19 December 2011

Home Alone

The semester is now officially over.  The center goes on autopilot for the next couple of weeks as we have sittings without teachers around.  Friends and kin are headed out of town for Christmas.  I have time on my hands and quiet in my ears, stillness before my eyes and rest in my body.

It's solitude time.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't like these days of relative aloneness.  To tell the truth, I can't speak of them highly enough.  I've come to welcome them as I do few other times of the year.  All support structures are removed.  I can't hide behind schedule and role and task.  I have to take ownership for everything I do.

And what a revealing state of affairs that is!  Issues I thought were over and done with bubble up.  Character traits I thought I'd managed to clean up show up as mucked up as ever.  Points of equanimity I thought I could come to rely on evaporate without a trace.  Habits I thought had long since died send out their tugs on my thought and action.

It's the honesty of all that that I love.  So stands this state of affairs I label "myself," and I can't deny it!  Once seen again, though, I can set about the real work I need to do with greater skillfulness and more appropriate measure, and for that I am most grateful.

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